Forgiveness
Mar. 16th, 2006 05:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
undyingkingInteresting (I thought) story recently about Julie Nicholson, a vicar who has resigned from her post because she's found herself unable to forgive the London bomber who killed her daughter.
Probably anyone who's not a Christian is thinking "and why should she forgive the bastard?", but I suppose this is about as close as you can get to the central mystery of Christianity -- what makes it different to other religions. There's loads of stuff in the Bible making it very clear that Jesus thought forgiving those who'd done you harm, however difficult, was of fundamental importance. Of course he wouldn't have condemned this poor woman who's suffering dreadfully, but he would understand her wanting to step down from her pastoral role if she feels it not sustainable with integrity. (Of course, Jesus didn't agree with the idea of a priesthood at all, as far as we can make out, but that's a different story.)
The obvious parallel is with Anthony Walker's mother, also a Christian, who has been able to forgive her son's murderers. I guess a lot of people will think that's weird, unnatural, or that there must be some unacknowledged level at which she doesn't really forgive them. But it seems to me from what she's said that she has made the leap to empathize with them, with where they're coming from and why they might have acted as they did.
Could I forgive my child's killers? To be honest it's difficult to see how I might be able to. (It's also rather hypothetical, as I don't have any children.) But Jesus didn't urge this just because he thought we should all be fluffy bunnies -- but because it's not possible to be a whole functional person while you're carrying that sort of hatred aroud with you. Julie Nicholson says "for the time being, that wound in me is having to heal", and I guess we can all hope that eventually it will.
Probably anyone who's not a Christian is thinking "and why should she forgive the bastard?", but I suppose this is about as close as you can get to the central mystery of Christianity -- what makes it different to other religions. There's loads of stuff in the Bible making it very clear that Jesus thought forgiving those who'd done you harm, however difficult, was of fundamental importance. Of course he wouldn't have condemned this poor woman who's suffering dreadfully, but he would understand her wanting to step down from her pastoral role if she feels it not sustainable with integrity. (Of course, Jesus didn't agree with the idea of a priesthood at all, as far as we can make out, but that's a different story.)
The obvious parallel is with Anthony Walker's mother, also a Christian, who has been able to forgive her son's murderers. I guess a lot of people will think that's weird, unnatural, or that there must be some unacknowledged level at which she doesn't really forgive them. But it seems to me from what she's said that she has made the leap to empathize with them, with where they're coming from and why they might have acted as they did.
Could I forgive my child's killers? To be honest it's difficult to see how I might be able to. (It's also rather hypothetical, as I don't have any children.) But Jesus didn't urge this just because he thought we should all be fluffy bunnies -- but because it's not possible to be a whole functional person while you're carrying that sort of hatred aroud with you. Julie Nicholson says "for the time being, that wound in me is having to heal", and I guess we can all hope that eventually it will.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 05:49 pm (UTC)This makes forgiveness sound like it's a kind of coping mechanism. That's an interesting way of looking at it, but I'm not sure that's quite the message Christianity looks to send. It's supposed to be a message of hope, not a message of denial.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 06:34 pm (UTC)Of course, that's just my personal interpretation, and I'm sure plenty of people would say different, with more authority.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 06:48 pm (UTC)Hmm... then perhaps I could less cynically word it as: hope in cases where the odds are stacked most unfavourably against you. (By which I mean "against one", but that looked silly when I wrote it.)
Not that I don't like the idea of people bouncing back from things, but that hasn't been my experience of the way people work. We're fragile things. Hit us with something bad enough and our mental state is damaged, never to be fully restored.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-17 09:25 am (UTC)Sure, but some people observably have better resilience than others, or may draw the 'unrecoverably bad' line in a different place -- and faith can be one of the factors affecting that. At least, that's the theory.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-17 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-16 09:06 pm (UTC)But as atheist, my worry is about whether as you suggest it's healing to forgive, or if it's being a patsy. I'm undecided. I have no personal axe to grind here, should be clear. Just putting myself in other's shoes.
I think it's a good legal system that decides what to do with people irrespective of the victim's (or victim's families') wishes for this very reason - allows you to forgive or not as you choose without impacting on what the state/society does. (In general. I have a story about the downside but will sit on it.)
whether as you suggest it's healing to forgive
Date: 2006-03-17 09:31 am (UTC)(I also think that the victim's wishes should be kept out of the legal system -- but, to me, if that's better for the victim that's just a beneficial side-effect. The main thing is that "justice" can only be conveyed by the polity at large, not by the people directly concerned.)
Forgiveness
Date: 2006-03-29 04:48 pm (UTC)Re: Forgiveness
Date: 2006-04-05 03:32 pm (UTC)