Forgiveness

[undyingking]

Interesting (I thought) story recently about Julie Nicholson, a vicar who has resigned from her post because she's found herself unable to forgive the London bomber who killed her daughter.
Probably anyone who's not a Christian is thinking "and why should she forgive the bastard?", but I suppose this is about as close as you can get to the central mystery of Christianity -- what makes it different to other religions. There's loads of stuff in the Bible making it very clear that Jesus thought forgiving those who'd done you harm, however difficult, was of fundamental importance. Of course he wouldn't have condemned this poor woman who's suffering dreadfully, but he would understand her wanting to step down from her pastoral role if she feels it not sustainable with integrity. (Of course, Jesus didn't agree with the idea of a priesthood at all, as far as we can make out, but that's a different story.)
The obvious parallel is with Anthony Walker's mother, also a Christian, who has been able to forgive her son's murderers. I guess a lot of people will think that's weird, unnatural, or that there must be some unacknowledged level at which she doesn't really forgive them. But it seems to me from what she's said that she has made the leap to empathize with them, with where they're coming from and why they might have acted as they did.
Could I forgive my child's killers? To be honest it's difficult to see how I might be able to. (It's also rather hypothetical, as I don't have any children.) But Jesus didn't urge this just because he thought we should all be fluffy bunnies -- but because it's not possible to be a whole functional person while you're carrying that sort of hatred aroud with you. Julie Nicholson says "for the time being, that wound in me is having to heal", and I guess we can all hope that eventually it will.

Comments

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

but because it's not possible to be a whole functional person while you're carrying that sort of hatred aroud with you

This makes forgiveness sound like it's a kind of coping mechanism. That's an interesting way of looking at it, but I'm not sure that's quite the message Christianity looks to send. It's supposed to be a message of hope, not a message of denial.

[jackfirecat.livejournal.com]

you don't have to be religious to wonder about stuff like this, forgiveness or not. You possibly do need to be religious (or just an obessive googler) to check out Matthew 5:44-45. An even tougher precept than forgiveness, that.

But as atheist, my worry is about whether as you suggest it's healing to forgive, or if it's being a patsy. I'm undecided. I have no personal axe to grind here, should be clear. Just putting myself in other's shoes.

I think it's a good legal system that decides what to do with people irrespective of the victim's (or victim's families') wishes for this very reason - allows you to forgive or not as you choose without impacting on what the state/society does. (In general. I have a story about the downside but will sit on it.)

Forgiveness

[(Anonymous)]

Forgiveness is not for the person who sinned against us. Forgiveness is for us. Jesus commands us (it is not a suggestion) to forgive those who sin against us or God will not forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). He does not say forgive others their sins or God won't forgive them either. Forgivness is so we don't lose our salvation. The person(s) who sinned against you must repent of their sins themselves. And forgiveness does not mean we hold them blameless, if they sinned against us then they are to blame. We just don't let it consume us. We don't let the sun set on our anger (Ephesians 4:26). And it certainly does not mean we have to embrace and hug those who caused us grevious harm, or invite them over to dinner. This belief is rubbish.