undyingking: (Default)
undyingking ([personal profile] undyingking) wrote2006-03-16 05:09 pm
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Forgiveness

Interesting (I thought) story recently about Julie Nicholson, a vicar who has resigned from her post because she's found herself unable to forgive the London bomber who killed her daughter.
Probably anyone who's not a Christian is thinking "and why should she forgive the bastard?", but I suppose this is about as close as you can get to the central mystery of Christianity -- what makes it different to other religions. There's loads of stuff in the Bible making it very clear that Jesus thought forgiving those who'd done you harm, however difficult, was of fundamental importance. Of course he wouldn't have condemned this poor woman who's suffering dreadfully, but he would understand her wanting to step down from her pastoral role if she feels it not sustainable with integrity. (Of course, Jesus didn't agree with the idea of a priesthood at all, as far as we can make out, but that's a different story.)
The obvious parallel is with Anthony Walker's mother, also a Christian, who has been able to forgive her son's murderers. I guess a lot of people will think that's weird, unnatural, or that there must be some unacknowledged level at which she doesn't really forgive them. But it seems to me from what she's said that she has made the leap to empathize with them, with where they're coming from and why they might have acted as they did.
Could I forgive my child's killers? To be honest it's difficult to see how I might be able to. (It's also rather hypothetical, as I don't have any children.) But Jesus didn't urge this just because he thought we should all be fluffy bunnies -- but because it's not possible to be a whole functional person while you're carrying that sort of hatred aroud with you. Julie Nicholson says "for the time being, that wound in me is having to heal", and I guess we can all hope that eventually it will.

whether as you suggest it's healing to forgive

[identity profile] undyingking.livejournal.com 2006-03-17 09:31 am (UTC)(link)
I'm suggesting that it may be healing if you've got the right psycho-spiritual apparatus around it. Of course it may also be being a patsy, they're not exclusive. St Martin may have felt spiritually wonderful after giving the beggar his cloak, but I bet he still got a cold.

(I also think that the victim's wishes should be kept out of the legal system -- but, to me, if that's better for the victim that's just a beneficial side-effect. The main thing is that "justice" can only be conveyed by the polity at large, not by the people directly concerned.)